


Stars

by simp4sirius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Sirius Black, Brother Feels, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Family Feels, Family Issues, Feels, First War with Voldemort, Good Death Eaters, Hurt Sirius Black, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, No Dialogue, No Incest, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Dies, Regulus Black Feels, Sad Sirius Black, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:06:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29035911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simp4sirius/pseuds/simp4sirius
Summary: Regulus Black writes his final letter to Sirius Black.very short, sad yet heartwarming, way of showing the relationship between the Black brothers and how it changed over time leading up to Regulus's death.most of it is cannon compliant, but that wasn't my top priority I'm just in my feels.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Stars

Dear Sirius,

This is the first letter I’ve written to you since we were young, and I beg you to believe me when I say I wish It wasn’t my last. The world seems to has ended in the hands of my lord, yet the battle has not ceased, and nor has my longing for freedom. I don’t want you to be scared, and I want you to know that I’m not scared either. Not of death, or dying, but I am scared of losing myself to this life-bound pledge, I’m scared of losing you to your sorrows, losing you between the frail ropes binding us together by their fraying edges, and I’m scared that one day you’ll forget me. I’ll never forget you, Sirius, and I haunt myself each night when my insomnia gets the better of me, and I look out into the sky so I can see the stars, so I can see you: the brightest star in the sky. How very vain of you. Though I hope that you're somewhere out there, somewhere safe, looking up in your own feeble attempts to find my star, hell, I bet you’d still have trouble finding Orion's Belt! But when I do look up there, It all comes back. Piece by piece, star by star. 

Just the little things, like the way the sun used to hit the library at the perfect moment before it got too bright to see the pages and the ink dried too quickly, and the sound of your old record player, Merlin, I never thought I’d miss hearing Freddie Mercury’s voice echoing through the house quite as much as I do now. And I remember you, Sirius. I remember singing old songs on the grand piano, awfully off key. I remember sneaking my favorite books into your bedroom and watching you recite them with a fiery passion for pretending. I remember Kreacher chasing us around as we laughed and tossed his strange little knick-knacks around in a teasing manner, and all the broken glasses and out of bounds areas we tiptoed around; unbeknownst to us both that those were the golden days. 

I remember when you left for the first time, a little eleven year old idiot with a confidence I envied with every bone in my body and a reckless desire to succeed. I remember when you came back for the first time, too, and I heard you yelling, hurting, breaking every night, I heard your pleading apologies and I remember your broken heart the moment I was shut away from you too. I was scared, and all for the color hanging around your neck.

But it got better, didn’t it? You told me stories of your endless marauding and showed me your favorite tricks and smuggled sweets, you told stories of all the times you got caught snogging in broom closets, you recited the names of each girl you slept with, you laughed about your best friends misfortunes and hopeless pining, and I remember the joy on your face... and the jealousy on mine. 

I remember you leaving for the last time, too. The stars in your eyes were gone, the bounce in your step was slowed to a limp, and the smile on your face was replaced with a look so fearless yet so vulnerable. And pushing you through that fireplace in the dead of that gruesome night was enough for me to remember how much you mean to me. How much you tried to save me, over and over and over again. The moment you left, I felt smaller. 

I remember you falling in love with your best friend, through mountains of girls all mourning your heart breaking tendencies, you found where your heart belonged and I stay envious of that. Your heart was always too big for you to carry in that little chest. I remember watching you run through the halls with a professor on your heels, laughing, smiling, slapping your friends on the back in triumph, and I remember meeting your eye and the world seemed to slow. You seemed unreal, untrue, imaginary. You seemed like a stranger. Just another star in the sky. Because that’s all it ended up being, wasn’t it? Just another day, just another reason, just another ache, just another friend lost in the war. Just another person to forget. 

And now all I'm asking is don't let me go unloved. 

Take care of the ones you love, the ones who show it. I never showed it, but that's why I'm telling you now. You’re my brother, the strongest, happiest, luckiest, god damn ugliest big brother I could ever have had and there was no one, no one, in this world who could have changed my mind despite this all, and you really are the brightest star in the sky, but that doesn't mean no one else shone. 

I could never be as smart as you, as brave as you, as friendly and kind as you, could I? I couldn’t expect myself to stay this way forever, I was always going to cower out of it. Little Reggie, good enough for evil, but never good enough for himself. I’m sorry to let you down, if this has even as much as tainted your mighty heart, but if I’m going to lose myself in this war, or lose any more of what’s left of you, then i’d rather go in the legacy of this:

I’ve done something I should have done years ago, and I have gone against the dark lord. I'll be dead long before this letter is in your hands, so please, don't let go. 

I’m scared, aren’t I? 

Are you? 

I remember you Sirius. So please don’t forget me. Look out every night and remember me. Remember me in the stars, because that’s where I’ll be. Remember me in the songs we sang, the books we read, the halls I once walked. Remember me in the people I loved, the people I loathed and the people I envied. Remember me in the dawn of each day as the stars fade out of view, but know they are always there. Remember me, Sirius, and I’ll be here, waiting for you, in the stars.

Your brother, Regulus.


End file.
